We all have it. That negative self-talk voice in our heads that talks to us all day long, saying really awful stuff. Most of the time we aren’t even aware how our negative self-talk affects our energy and our choices. Here are four powerful steps you can take today to quiet that voice and gain more peace inside your head.
Step One – Awareness
Take a minute to think back through what that voice has said to you so far today. Write it down. Or better yet, write the thoughts down as you witness them. At the end of the day take a look at the list. Imagine yourself now saying those same exact words to your best friend or child. Wow – enlightening huh? You would never talk that way to a loved one, would you? I am guessing you would talk to your loved one with encouragement instead of judgement. So why talk that way to yourself? We can change that.
Step Two – See Thoughts for What They Are
Once you start to take action to consciously notice your thoughts you will soon see how random they are. They are disjointed, unrealistic, not based in reality, and overall not super helpful to us. It’s quite noisy inside our heads, and a lot of it is just that – noise. Step Two is recognize a thought is just a thought.
They pass through our mind like clouds passing through the sky. The cloud may block part of the sky, but we know the sky is still there, behind the cloud. We also know this cloud will simply pass by eventually. The sky will remain. Your thoughts are like the clouds and the sky is like you. The thoughts come and go, but they are not YOU. You remain constant despite the thoughts coming and going. You are not the clouds. You are not your thoughts. Once you recognize the passing nature of thoughts they have less power over you.
Step Three – Select a New Thought to Attach
Retraining ourselves takes practice. It’s not as easy as just don’t think those negative thoughts. We know they just come into our heads without us calling them into being. So, when they do come, select a slightly different response. I want you to tack the word AND to the end and then purposefully select a positive thought. Here is an example:
- I need to lose 20 pounds. I’ve always been heavy……AND today I am still choosing to love myself exactly as I am while making changes that will bring me back to health.
- I hate my ^&^$#% job. I hate the people there…..AND I am working on looking for a new one. Meanwhile I am grateful I am blessed with a job my family needs.
- I suck at confrontation. This discussion is bound to end bad for me….AND this is a chance for me to practice something difficult for me. I can only get better if I try it.
Force the AND to get your brain to see the silver lining. And I promise you, there IS always a silver lining. Our brains love to classify things as good or bad right away in the moment, but the truth is we really don’t know what is good for us vs. bad without the gift of hindsight. Think back to something difficult in your life you faced. Are you now somewhat grateful for the experience? Did some good things come from it?
You don’t even know in the moment if something will be good or bad for you in the future. Your brain just likes to classify it for you to feel safe. It only wants to engage in the fight or flight mode, so sees everything as fitting into a good vs. bad category. The truth is nothing is always good or always bad. It is what we choose to do with it.
Step Four – Practice Meditation
I know. It’s weird. It feels strange. It doesn’t seem like it’s doing anything for me, and I feel weird when I try it. I don’t get it. I must be doing it wrong. I’m not all whoo hoo like that.
I get all those thoughts. I felt the same at one time, but after several years of practice I can now say it’s an essential part of my day. Start with just five minutes and try to commit to 3 times a week. Start small. I promise you if you do this for a month, you will feel yourself engaging in the rest of your day in a much more pleasant, peaceful and present mindset.
Here are some great free apps to get you started. Just find a quiet place. Select an app and length of time that works for you. Listen to the app and practice. It is a practice. There is no right way or wrong way to meditate. It is just you being present with yourself.
And if being present, alone, in silence with yourself sounds a little scary, that’s even more reason to give meditation a real chance.
http://www.10percenthappier.com/mindfulness-meditation-the-basics
https://www.headspace.com/headspace-meditation-app
I’d love to hear how you’ve found your own ways to tame that noise in your head, or if you try these steps I’d love to hear your feedback.
What could you BEcome with the voice in your head encouraging you and loving you, instead of berating you?