Our minds are drifting towards the Thanksgiving holiday. During this week it seems easier to recognize all the gifts in our life we tend to ignore at least from time to time. I watched an incredible TED talk (linked below), in which the speaker shares with us what I’d call Gratefulness for Dummies.
It’s so simple and yet somehow we miss it all the time.
He starts off by telling us he knows something deeply personal about each one of us that is inside of us. We know this one thing about every other person we meet as well. What is it? It is that as humans we all desire to be happy. Everyone you pass on the street today deep in their heart longs for happiness. Happiness looks different to each person, and we all seek happiness in different ways, but we are connected by the fact that we all desire to be happy.
So, what does happiness have to do with gratefulness?
Is it the happy people who are grateful? Or is it the grateful people who are happy?
Which causes which? Look at the people you know. We all know someone who has everything we can imagine one needs to be happy. They have financial security, family support, talent and every opportunity and yet they are clearly extremely unhappy. We also know people who’ve been thrown every tragedy you can imagine in their lives. By all definitions, they of anyone certainly have reason to be unhappy. And yet, they are one of the most uplifting, joyful people we know. Interesting. So it can’t be happiness that drives gratefulness. It is gratefulness that drives happiness.
So, what is gratefulness anyway? Two things must be present for you to feel that warm feeling of gratefulness rise up inside. One, you have to recognize something of value in your life. Something that is meaningful. Two, you realize that you did nothing to bring this about. You didn’t earn it or buy it. It came from something outside yourself as a gift. So you recognize a valuable gift that came to you despite yourself.
We can experience gratefulness as a way of life once we realize each moment is a valuable gift. We did nothing to earn it or bring it about. It most certainly is valuable. It’s the most valuable thing we have before us. Without this present moment in our lives nothing else would be possible to experience or enjoy. It is not just the current moment itself however that is so valuable, it’s the opportunity in this moment. It’s the chance this moment gives us to be better, to find laughter, to experience joy and love.
And the best part is, when we screw it up and the moment passes us by without us recognizing this, what do we get in return? Since we are still here on this earth….. I can say with every moment each of us denied as a gift, we got in return….another moment! Ahhh.. what wonder there is in that!
Now, he asks, can we be grateful for everything that is in this life? No. We can’t be grateful for tragedy, death, illness in loved ones. We can’t be grateful for heartache or the fact that poverty, abuse, racism and prejudice exist. We can’t be grateful for war, violence or disease. We can however still be grateful for the opportunity within each moment. Under these circumstances the opportunity is much harder to see, but it is still present. It is a challenge for us to find it. Often to see the opportunity in these circumstances we must grow as a person. We have an opportunity in these challenges to find patience, empathy, love and generosity still.
So, how does a preschooler learn to cross the street?
Stop. Look. Go.
This is what he tells us we need to apply to live a life full of gratefulness. Stop. You can’t witness the moment when you are rushing about. Slow down. Find ways to put stop signs into your life. Look. Look with your eyes and ears, use all your senses to gather in the moment. Open your heart to the opportunity inherent in this moment. And then Go. Go seize the opportunity. Maybe the opportunity was just to enjoy the moment. Maybe it was to share love with another. Maybe it was to be helpful. Go and do something with your opportunity.
If I have but one hope for you it is this… I hope you slow down in your life enough to notice and savor the moments.
Below is his Ted Talk if you want to listen. Its fifteen minutes well worth his message.